How did you decide that men needed some advice on how to kiss,make love or read woman’s body language?
Answer: During the promotion of my first book, “Dear, Dear Brenda,” I appeared on several T.V. and radio talk shows. A woman called in and asked: “Why don’t you write a book telling men just what we women want!” Shortly thereafter I began traveling throughout the world interviewing men and women and soon discovered that they do not understand each another on many levels. Basically, the problem was communication.
Good communication, which includes reading body language, is essential to great sex. “SOS (Secrets of Seduction) for men” and “SOS (Secrets of Seduction) for women” is a guide to help partners understand one another and come together in not only sexual, but in relationship bliss.
Did your expertise come from your own experience?
Answer: It came from both my intimate interviews with men and women and my experience. I think all expertise comes from experience. What a wonderful experience to enjoy love, life and relationships.
You wrote two books for both men and women on how to be a great lover. However, is it true that women don’t need to try as hard?
Answer: While it may be easier for a woman to get a man into bed, the reward of great sex still takes skill and effort. You reap what you sow! – meaning you will get out of a relationship what you put into it. If you want a great experience, you will need to make that great experience happen with time, effort, energy, paying attention, not taking one another for granted and showing a great deal of respect — basically, working on it every day!
Personally, I only want to make love to my best friend! When you are “best friends” and you’re lucky enough to have great chemistry together, everything else will fall into place. When there is only lust without friendship and respect, the relationship cannot grow.
What was the reaction to your book in the US back when it was published?
Answer: Overwhelming! My publisher thought that “SOS for men” would be mildly received, while “SOS for women” would fly off the shelves. They were quite surprised when “SOS for Men – How To Be The Best Lover Your Woman Ever Had” — was a best seller. During my book tour, I would board a plane and as I walked down the aisles, I would see men reading my book without the cover. It was funny at the time. As I walked into hotels, restaurants, talk shows, etc, boys and men would ask if I had any advice for them. I told them to read the book, but not skip to the back.
Women were buying the book for their boyfriends, lovers, or husbands. They knew a great relationship was the basis for great sex. And they wanted their boyfriends to understand the value of relationships.
Was it too erotic to some?
Answer: Is anything too erotic when two people are in love?
Do women like sex for the sake of sex? Lots of times women say it’s more emotional for them.
Answer: Yes, women do like sex for the sake of sex. I certainly do! I don’t believe it’s more emotional, it’s just different. Real intimacy makes both men and women emotional, and oftentimes, we express it differently. Women build great sex on emotions. Men build emotions from great sex. When two people become so close, so attached, so in love with one another, emotions flow and overflow. Passion brings out the best in us.
Why do some girls look at themselves in the mirror and do not think she is a seductress material?
Answer: She’s looking in the wrong mirror! All girls are born with the power and the feminine tools to seduce. If they are insecure, they need to read my book. Maybe they are a little rusty, or maybe they have not honestly looked into their treasure chest of charms.
A woman must believe that she is sexy in order to be sexy. Sometimes, a make-over ignites the fire burning inside her soul. For example: a new hairstyle or color, a new dress, shoes, make-up or even a different shade of lipstick can make it happen – a new perfume, sexy lingerie, treating herself to a massage or an hour at a spa, a hot bubble bath with candles and a glass of wine. Anything that will make a woman feel like a woman. It’s the little things that nurture her sensuality. Peace of mind certainly helps! Walk like a Princess if you expect to catch the Prince!
Does the sex location matter? What was the craziest place you have ever made love?
Answer: The sexiest place is in the mind! Anywhere you go with the person you love can be erotic. The key is to invent as you go along, without judgment, without fear. Take your partner on an adventure. I want to take my man where he’s never been and I want him to take me where I’ve never been. Live in the moment. And when the moment strikes, go for it! However, make certain that you’re not offending your partner’s sensibilities. And be private with your adventures. The whole world need not be a spectator. When you are really in love and are having great sex, you don’t need an audience.
Who in Hollywood nowadays impresses you as a very confident and sexy woman and a role model for younger girls?
Answer: I don’t know, but we certainly need one! I can guarantee you this… she is not the girl getting out of a limo with a panty peek.
You have acted in a number of movies and even with Clint Eastwood. However, your acting career never took off. How come you didn’t become a Hollywood star?
Answer: When I made the “Eiger Sanction” with Clint Eastwood, I was the flavor of the year and that brought with it a tremendous amount of attention… film offers, script requests, and marriage proposals. I did not particularly like what I was offered. It’s normal that the film industry will typecast and it’s difficult to break through the stereotype. I was cast as: Sex Siren, Mistress to a Tycoon, King or Baron, Indian Princess or Love Goddess.
I loved and still love the process of acting. But it was not until I had met Henry Miller that I realized my creative desire was to express myself more fully through the writing he had inspired.
I’m an artist and wanted to express myself through different mediums. Once it was winning beauty titles, then ballet, acting, writing, and now I am a producer and director of a documentary entitled, “Love and Sex in LA.” I do not know where my next adventure will take me, but I am excited to go!
Henry Miller was considered obscene by some. How come you, a girl from a small town in Mississippi, found inspiration in his sometimes vulgar novels?
Answer: If Henry was guilty of anything, like sildenafil online. His writing was as provocative as a cute girl in a miniskirt walking down Madison Avenue in 1940. Henry often said that he was not writing about anything obscene. He was writing about himself — his life and adventures. Henry as well as Marcel Proust wrote in free style – thoughts, words and adventures flowed through their fingers and onto the page. Great writers are free in their art, soul and spirit.
“Tropic of Cancer,” and “Sexus, Nexus and Plexus” were provocative masterpieces. Henry fought for our freedom of speech and won. I, too, am a freedom fighter. And I am inspired by great thinkers and great works of art.
Henry referred to your relationship as “an affair of the heart.” Given his age and health, it could hardly have been anything else. Why do you think he chose you above all the other pretty women with whom he was in contact?
Answer: My relationship with Henry was an affair based on respect and admiration, or as Nobel Prize Laureate Lawrence Durrell wrote: “… an Ariel to his Prospero.” It was the end of his life and he had so much to give, to express and to share. I had the good fortune to participate in those four precious years. It was a transitional phase for each of us. I wanted to learn, and Henry was thrilled to guide that evolution. Henry, the genius and sage of our century, was so kind to share his insightful, intuitive knowledge and experience with me. I was fortunate and forever blessed!
How did you have time to write each other 2-3 times a day? Back then did you feel that getting to know him might make you famous?
Answer: At our first meeting, there was an intuitive understanding and a deep respect. Henry confessed that he and his son, Tony, were great fans of mine after viewing the “Eiger Sanction,” and that he was just as excited to meet me as I was to meet with him. We did not need anything from one another, but we had the desire to create something together through unconditional love!
Henry became the most important person in the world for me. I knew he could die at any moment and I treasured the opportunity to make him happy. To share the end of his life with me was intimate and an honor. As soon as I received a letter, I would eagerly write back.
Oftentimes, I would write during breaks while on location making a film, rehearsing a play, or teaching ballet. A few times, I wrote a note while standing in line at the grocery store. Writing to Henry was not an interruption in my life – it was the best part of every day that soon became the foundation of my writing career.
You lit Henry Miller’s last years with happiness and love. You even said that as long as he could fantasize, he could shrug off the aches and pains. Is that true for all older men and women?
Answer: Fantasies keep the passion burning in your heart and soul. We must have our fantasies to live a full and fabulous life, even to our last breath. Oftentimes, fantasies can keep one alive.
Henry Miller had the mind of a twenty- year-old, but his body would not follow. It is true that the physical body can fail you, while the mind remains laser sharp. The body can be immobile, while the mind is brilliant, resilient and beautiful.
In one of the letters, Henry Miller’s advice was “don’t give yourself too recklessly. Wait till their tongues hang out.” Did you follow this advice in your life?
Answer: As a young girl, my mother had taught me to refrain, to remain mysterious, to be patient and wait for what I wanted. I’m not certain I do it well, but it is inbred and a natural characteristic. I was following Henry’s advice long before I met him. Also, being a Scorpio, mystery is inherent. When I feel the moment is right, then I go for it!
What do you want from a man and how do you get it?
Answer: Honesty, trust, respect and a sense of humor. I love a man with a great sense of humor — one who can make me laugh, uncontrollably, is the best. When I fall in love with a man, I desire his unconditional love and I do my best to give it to him. That’s REAL LOVE!
How many sex partners have you had? Does number matter? Does age matter?
Answer: Amazingly, not many. Sex is very important to me and I do not give myself freely to anyone whom I do not completely and passionately love. I do not separate love and sex: to me they are synonymous. When I fall in love, I want to devour every part of my man’s anatomy and I want to treasure him and stay in that relationship for many, many years.
The number of sex partners? That, indeed, does matter! When you have sex with anyone, you have sex with everyone with whom they have been in contact, sexually. It’s best to be extremely careful!
Age? It does not matter!
How do you keep your body so fit and your face so young? What is your secret?
Answer: BEING IN LOVE IS MY SECRET! And I work out two hours every day, plus a ballet barre and a long run up a mountain that’s close to my home. It’s invigorating. It makes everything better.
You always said that a good lover shouldn’t be too serious. What kind of men have you met in your life? Were they mostly fun and witty or a bit overly serious?
Answer: As I said earlier, humor gets me through the day. Every man with whom I have been in love has always had a great sense of humor. I cannot imagine a relationship without humor. It would be so boring and dull. No matter how accomplished my man, he cannot take himself too seriously.
Did you always love literature? Henry Miller liked talking about books with you, especially passionate ones such as Tristan and Isolde.
Answer: … Heloise and Abelard, Romeo and Juliet, Zelda and Fitzgerald and on and on…
Yes, I was an English major in college and I have always loved literature. It’s heavenly to turn the pages of a fine book. Henry gave me many first editions that he ordered from Europe and every few months, I take them out and re-read a book or two, and it feels exquisite to hold them in my hands.
Henry was a romantic, a sensualist and most of all, a renaissance man. He observed everything and everybody. He never missed a detail or a nuance. He cherished and relished every moment. He respected the average man as though he was the most important person in the world. He listened to them and brought them to life in all his books.
What are other passionate novels inspired you and led you through life?
Answer: That would take a page in itself! However my have-to-read lists starts with the Nobel Prize winning Knut Hamsun from Norway. Many thought him arguably superior to Dostoevsky.
You believe that one of the formulas for success is to learn from the best. Who were your teachers?
Answer: My mom and my dad who formed my character as did the great teachers who gifted me with their dreams and experiences — Clint Eastwood taught me about filmmaking, Ken Marcus, about photography, Yuri Smaltzoff shaped my ballet career, and Henry Miller taught me about life!
When I met Henry, I was prepared to let him change the direction of my life. I was acting, loving the attention and drama, but Henry wanted me to be more fully expressed as a writer. It was through this incredible journey that I became a best-selling author.
You are a very brave woman, not afraid of your body or your thoughts. However, have there been moments when you felt you made a mistake and felt foolish?
Answer: Everyone will feel foolish at one time or another. We can only grow from experience, and part of growing is taking a fall. Teddy Roosevelt’s quote comes to mind: “… CREDIT BELONGS TO THE MAN WHO IS ACTUALLY IN THE ARENA, WHOSE FACE IS MARRED BY DUST AND SWEAT AND BLOOD… there is not effort without error and shortcomings… if he fails, at least he fails while daring, greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
Did you always get everything you wanted?
Answer: To some people, it may appear that way. But everything comes at a price. It depends on how badly I want something and what price I’m willing to pay. However, I am persistent… I know what I want and I go after it.
Is there a man in your life right now?
Answer: Yes! He is funny, wonderful and surprises me every day. I do the same for him.
Have you ever married or had children? Why?
Answer: Marriage has never been a priority! I was engaged once to a man who died in a car accident. He was only 33 years old. It was just two weeks before we were to be married. Since then, I have come to realize that it’s the relationship, not marriage that really matters. I have loved very deeply. And I love very deeply, now.
Children? I have taught ballet to children all my life and love nurturing my students. My art became my child — an all-consuming, self-expression of my love for life.
How do you spend your days now?
Answer: Working on my projects. I recently finished producing and directing my film, “Love and Sex in LA.” that took four years to complete. I picked up the cover wrap last week and I was very proud to hold it in my hand. It was definitely a labor of love. My cast consists of seven Playboy Playmates, a Mr. Universe and a Miss Universe, plus a cameo by Kareem Abdul Jabbar, among many other inspiring people who happen to live in LA. It showed at the Venice Film Festival and now I’m selling it on my website: brendavenus.com
You told me your ballet master is from Latvia? Who is that and does that mean you still do ballet?
Answer: His name is Yuri Smaltzoff. He is my family in LA. And yes, I do ballet every day. It keeps my body fit and flexible, my mind disciplined, and my heart happy.
Have you ever been to Lithuania?
Answer: No, I have not, but I would love to visit. A few years ago, I had a ten-day-stay in Moscow as the guest of President Putin. I attended opening night of a play entitled VENUS about my relationship with Henry Miller and my life, in general. It was wonderful to watch the performers of the Bolshoi Ballet and to see Svetlana Khorkina perform so brilliantly.
What an amazing adventure… snowing in Moscow, staying in the presidential suite overlooking the Red Square. Definitely a time to remember! Perhaps my next visit will be in your wonderful and romantic country.